So long to the blog and kiss this cancer GOODBYE!

As you all can see (read) - I am not much of a consistent and dedicated writer. However, my informing talent is substantial. I am ending this blog of cancer updates because, well, the cancer as well as my chemotherapy and radiation treatments are finished. I have been frustrated with how long this recovery is taking which is completely ridiculous because it is only one month since my radiation finished on October 9th, 2008. And of course in Courtney fashion, the very next day I hopped on a plane with Grant and Severn, to attend my brother's wedding in LA for the weekend. And the wedding was beautiful. My brother wed his partner of 22 years in their backyard on a warm sunny day. Family and close friends attended and I really felt overwhelming loved and very pleased to meet the 'outlaws'. Unfortunately I couldn't go to Disneyland the next day but I did go to El Matador beach in Malibu and had great visit with Lesley, Hailey, Al, Roxanne and Sarah. We built the biggest sandcastle with mote and tunnel. It was a beautiful day.
My energy is coming back but I still get very tired if I perform anything physical. I have started my massage therapy and wow has that been over due. Arif, you are amazing. Grant has booked a trip to the Mayan Riviera from December 20-27th and we can hardly wait. I will be back in action in the new year. It has been an entire year since this journey began and the additional emotions of losing a dear friend, two mothers and a cousin. My state of mind has been foggy but strong and I need to be patient with myself. So I have promised myself to keep writing (something). So I will not leave my blog, it just won't be about my day to day struggle with breast cancer.
And for all you Facebook users, be very aware, I am re-joining so please be my friend 8-)
Lots of love and thank you so much for your prayers and love - I feel it all.

Not quite 2 weeks.....

after radiation treatment finished and I am really exhausted. My blisters have healed, that's a plus. I went for my first massage therapy treatment and I ache. My neck and shoulders were so knotted up that the toxins released will takes days to leave my body. Probably why I am so tired all of a sudden. I will sleep for a few days and re-access. Ciao for now.

Nine days to go!

Nine more radiation days to go YIPEE! the one draw back is that I have to go twice per day with 6 hours apart. No problem - there is nothing I can't handle. My energy is growing faster and further than when I started this journey. I guess I was not feeling good for a long time before or that I am so delirious that my energy is psycho like. Doesn't really matter I am good. Okay for real - my esophagus is affective (constant feeling of heartburn) my shoulder is paining me because of the position I must be in for radiation, and believe it or not but my left breast hurts. Not so much a burning feeling but as if I was punched (all the girls know the feeling).

The end (of my treatment) is near and I don't care - party on Garth!

Has it been a month?........

I don't believe it. Time sure does fly when one is busy. Actually, I have had lots of time to think, a little too much for my liking, and time goes by fast when one is enjoying life. So even in my circumstance, I am still enjoying life - Damn I can't even get that right! heehee

Radiation has been a breeze compared to Chemotherapy regarding a physical sick state. Radiation therapy has to be more mentally fatiguing. So neither is better or more difficult. The entire process is the hardest.

Unfortunately, Grant has been back in Ontario again. Joyce, Grant's mom, is not well. Tough decisions have been made and she will mostly likely be leaving us. She has been my inspiration to persevere through my situation and I will miss her tremendously. I have been saddened because I am unable to travel and see her for a last time. However, with my extensive training with loss of loved ones this year I know she is and will always be close to my heart. A woman couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law than Joyce Bowen. I love you!

Are the tears whellin' yet? I haven't written just for that thought. This year has been trying, and I feel like I have been living the year of cliches (well, actually, I have). Every individual faces challenges and I guess I like doing a lot at once.

I do appreciate and thank all of you, and you know who you are, for your support and love during 2008 but especially for all those other years I have had the honour to know and love you. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have the friends I have and have had. (Even the toxic relationships have been a benefit in creating this monster - me)

To those wonderful friends who have offered to drive me to radiation, I thank you for your readiness but I am doing just grande in driving myself. Gaining back my independence has been very beneficial in my recovery. My schedule is so different everyday and I can either be at FVCC for 20 minutes or 3 hours depending on the circumstances. So thanks again for the offers and I won't be shy if I need the help. Now, on the other hand, if you have the time and want to make a day or half a day of it, I know my new schedule every Friday for the following week so call, email to get together. And last rad day is October 7th, 2008. YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st rad date set -

August 26th, 2008 @ 14:20. Unfortunately with the required 33 sessions, my treatment will take me right up to October 10th - the day I leave to attend my brother's wedding in Los Angeles. I will be soooooo bummed if I can't go. The documents about radiation mention not to travel 2 to 3 weeks after treatment. Well, all I have to say to the doc is that if my radiation was scheduled closer to the time mentioned and not almost 4 weeks later - traveling wouldn't be an issue. Hopefully, it will not be an issue and I won't have to bring out the scary ugly side of Courtney. I need more support to get healthier fast so I don't miss the wedding so keep it coming people - it's working because I feel a whole lot better.

Still waiting -

- for a call from the radiation department for my radiation to begin (insert theme music from Jeopardy - I could figure out how to insert the actual music but copyright infringement will probably be an issue).

During my 'simulation' to radiation a power outage happened. Luckily we were only watching the outdated video and not in the middle of scanning or tattooing. The video was a cartoon animation and was created in the 70s, so we really didn't miss much. The nurses figured out that we could skip the rest of the video because we were probably already (up-to-date) informed of the procedures. The nurses were right. Grant and I waited about an hour and a half before the power came back on and after the big impressive machines were back up and ready, we could continue with the rest of radiation prep.

I didn't need a 'cast' to anchor my position in the radiation zapper. I did have to lay on a special 'blowie uppie pillow' in a perfectly still manner, with my arms above my head, trying really hard not to giggle for about 45 minutes. Yes, giggle - I couldn't help it and all females will love this! I was laughing because I only have one breast that smacks the table at my side when I lay on my back. Even the only male nurse in the room couldn't hold back a laugh when I was explaining my(giggling)self. During the forty minutes, I was moved, rotated, magic markered, stickered, lazered, inserted in and out of a really big sci-fi machine (a CAT scan machine), and ending with having three blue molelike-looking tattoos. Just so you know - that if by unfortunate chance one experiencing the surgeon saying, 'you will not have the sensitivity in your breast that you used to have after surgery' - call BULLSHIT. In my case, of course I don't have nipple sensation because I have no nipple - DUH! but decrease in breast sensitivity - I call BULLSHIT. However at the side, under my arm, I didn't feel it at all. Does this surprise me? - I have never surrendered to normality. Single needle (like a homemade) tattoo is really smart, brings wet to the eye. How do you people with tattoos do it? I was, am, planning to have a tattoo at 45 (for many reasons) but I am questioning my ability to handle it (the pain factor). Any advise? from all the tattoo owners.

Now for the bad news, I will be visiting the cancer clinic for 33 sessions so it looks like I will be crossing back and forth over the Pattullo Bridge for almost seven straight weeks ending at the end of September or early October (depending on the start time). Now that is scary! especially since TansLink is proposing not to repave/repair the bridge until 2009. People drive it everyday back and forth - so I guess I can do this too. Did you all catch that faint hint of Courtney sarcasm?

I am still waiting for my radiation schedule and will hopefully find out by this week's end. Until then - always winkin' at ya! ;o)

Part Deux!

The last few weeks I have been recovering from my last Chemo treatment (look at me tooting my own horn) at times, having feelings of ambition, frustration, relief, apprehension, shear tiredness and jubilation. Confused - I am. I have to confess that writing about this journey has not been my strong forte. I haven't had a strong forte since I started this journey. When I feel down - I just think of all of my people (that's you), wash any silly notions out of my mind and relax, very content with a large smile on my face. Battling cancer and its treatments takes a lot out of a person so I keep telling myself that soon I will be back to my self - emphasis on soon I hope.

Stage 2: Radiation

To recap - I have to have six weeks, five days a week, of radiation. The major side affect should be tiredness and quite frankly, I have that down pat. So to all who have offered to drive - it sounds like I can drive myself - this treatment isn't a debilitating as Chemo. I will know more on Thursday, tomorrow, when I go to the cancer clinic for my video, meeting with the Radiologist, possibly get tattooed and have a cast made, and hopefully get my radiation schedule.

I can see the blinking exit light at the end of the long cold sterile dark hallway entombed in the cancer dimension.