As you all can see (read) - I am not much of a consistent and dedicated writer. However, my informing talent is substantial. I am ending this blog of cancer updates because, well, the cancer as well as my chemotherapy and radiation treatments are finished. I have been frustrated with how long this recovery is taking which is completely ridiculous because it is only one month since my radiation finished on October 9th, 2008. And of course in Courtney fashion, the very next day I hopped on a plane with Grant and Severn, to attend my brother's wedding in LA for the weekend. And the wedding was beautiful. My brother wed his partner of 22 years in their backyard on a warm sunny day. Family and close friends attended and I really felt overwhelming loved and very pleased to meet the 'outlaws'. Unfortunately I couldn't go to Disneyland the next day but I did go to El Matador beach in Malibu and had great visit with Lesley, Hailey, Al, Roxanne and Sarah. We built the biggest sandcastle with mote and tunnel. It was a beautiful day.
My energy is coming back but I still get very tired if I perform anything physical. I have started my massage therapy and wow has that been over due. Arif, you are amazing. Grant has booked a trip to the Mayan Riviera from December 20-27th and we can hardly wait. I will be back in action in the new year. It has been an entire year since this journey began and the additional emotions of losing a dear friend, two mothers and a cousin. My state of mind has been foggy but strong and I need to be patient with myself. So I have promised myself to keep writing (something). So I will not leave my blog, it just won't be about my day to day struggle with breast cancer.
And for all you Facebook users, be very aware, I am re-joining so please be my friend 8-)
Lots of love and thank you so much for your prayers and love - I feel it all.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Not quite 2 weeks.....
after radiation treatment finished and I am really exhausted. My blisters have healed, that's a plus. I went for my first massage therapy treatment and I ache. My neck and shoulders were so knotted up that the toxins released will takes days to leave my body. Probably why I am so tired all of a sudden. I will sleep for a few days and re-access. Ciao for now.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Nine days to go!
Nine more radiation days to go YIPEE! the one draw back is that I have to go twice per day with 6 hours apart. No problem - there is nothing I can't handle. My energy is growing faster and further than when I started this journey. I guess I was not feeling good for a long time before or that I am so delirious that my energy is psycho like. Doesn't really matter I am good. Okay for real - my esophagus is affective (constant feeling of heartburn) my shoulder is paining me because of the position I must be in for radiation, and believe it or not but my left breast hurts. Not so much a burning feeling but as if I was punched (all the girls know the feeling).
The end (of my treatment) is near and I don't care - party on Garth!
The end (of my treatment) is near and I don't care - party on Garth!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Has it been a month?........
I don't believe it. Time sure does fly when one is busy. Actually, I have had lots of time to think, a little too much for my liking, and time goes by fast when one is enjoying life. So even in my circumstance, I am still enjoying life - Damn I can't even get that right! heehee
Radiation has been a breeze compared to Chemotherapy regarding a physical sick state. Radiation therapy has to be more mentally fatiguing. So neither is better or more difficult. The entire process is the hardest.
Unfortunately, Grant has been back in Ontario again. Joyce, Grant's mom, is not well. Tough decisions have been made and she will mostly likely be leaving us. She has been my inspiration to persevere through my situation and I will miss her tremendously. I have been saddened because I am unable to travel and see her for a last time. However, with my extensive training with loss of loved ones this year I know she is and will always be close to my heart. A woman couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law than Joyce Bowen. I love you!
Are the tears whellin' yet? I haven't written just for that thought. This year has been trying, and I feel like I have been living the year of cliches (well, actually, I have). Every individual faces challenges and I guess I like doing a lot at once.
I do appreciate and thank all of you, and you know who you are, for your support and love during 2008 but especially for all those other years I have had the honour to know and love you. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have the friends I have and have had. (Even the toxic relationships have been a benefit in creating this monster - me)
To those wonderful friends who have offered to drive me to radiation, I thank you for your readiness but I am doing just grande in driving myself. Gaining back my independence has been very beneficial in my recovery. My schedule is so different everyday and I can either be at FVCC for 20 minutes or 3 hours depending on the circumstances. So thanks again for the offers and I won't be shy if I need the help. Now, on the other hand, if you have the time and want to make a day or half a day of it, I know my new schedule every Friday for the following week so call, email to get together. And last rad day is October 7th, 2008. YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Radiation has been a breeze compared to Chemotherapy regarding a physical sick state. Radiation therapy has to be more mentally fatiguing. So neither is better or more difficult. The entire process is the hardest.
Unfortunately, Grant has been back in Ontario again. Joyce, Grant's mom, is not well. Tough decisions have been made and she will mostly likely be leaving us. She has been my inspiration to persevere through my situation and I will miss her tremendously. I have been saddened because I am unable to travel and see her for a last time. However, with my extensive training with loss of loved ones this year I know she is and will always be close to my heart. A woman couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law than Joyce Bowen. I love you!
Are the tears whellin' yet? I haven't written just for that thought. This year has been trying, and I feel like I have been living the year of cliches (well, actually, I have). Every individual faces challenges and I guess I like doing a lot at once.
I do appreciate and thank all of you, and you know who you are, for your support and love during 2008 but especially for all those other years I have had the honour to know and love you. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have the friends I have and have had. (Even the toxic relationships have been a benefit in creating this monster - me)
To those wonderful friends who have offered to drive me to radiation, I thank you for your readiness but I am doing just grande in driving myself. Gaining back my independence has been very beneficial in my recovery. My schedule is so different everyday and I can either be at FVCC for 20 minutes or 3 hours depending on the circumstances. So thanks again for the offers and I won't be shy if I need the help. Now, on the other hand, if you have the time and want to make a day or half a day of it, I know my new schedule every Friday for the following week so call, email to get together. And last rad day is October 7th, 2008. YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
1st rad date set -
August 26th, 2008 @ 14:20. Unfortunately with the required 33 sessions, my treatment will take me right up to October 10th - the day I leave to attend my brother's wedding in Los Angeles. I will be soooooo bummed if I can't go. The documents about radiation mention not to travel 2 to 3 weeks after treatment. Well, all I have to say to the doc is that if my radiation was scheduled closer to the time mentioned and not almost 4 weeks later - traveling wouldn't be an issue. Hopefully, it will not be an issue and I won't have to bring out the scary ugly side of Courtney. I need more support to get healthier fast so I don't miss the wedding so keep it coming people - it's working because I feel a whole lot better.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Still waiting -
- for a call from the radiation department for my radiation to begin (insert theme music from Jeopardy - I could figure out how to insert the actual music but copyright infringement will probably be an issue).
During my 'simulation' to radiation a power outage happened. Luckily we were only watching the outdated video and not in the middle of scanning or tattooing. The video was a cartoon animation and was created in the 70s, so we really didn't miss much. The nurses figured out that we could skip the rest of the video because we were probably already (up-to-date) informed of the procedures. The nurses were right. Grant and I waited about an hour and a half before the power came back on and after the big impressive machines were back up and ready, we could continue with the rest of radiation prep.
I didn't need a 'cast' to anchor my position in the radiation zapper. I did have to lay on a special 'blowie uppie pillow' in a perfectly still manner, with my arms above my head, trying really hard not to giggle for about 45 minutes. Yes, giggle - I couldn't help it and all females will love this! I was laughing because I only have one breast that smacks the table at my side when I lay on my back. Even the only male nurse in the room couldn't hold back a laugh when I was explaining my(giggling)self. During the forty minutes, I was moved, rotated, magic markered, stickered, lazered, inserted in and out of a really big sci-fi machine (a CAT scan machine), and ending with having three blue molelike-looking tattoos. Just so you know - that if by unfortunate chance one experiencing the surgeon saying, 'you will not have the sensitivity in your breast that you used to have after surgery' - call BULLSHIT. In my case, of course I don't have nipple sensation because I have no nipple - DUH! but decrease in breast sensitivity - I call BULLSHIT. However at the side, under my arm, I didn't feel it at all. Does this surprise me? - I have never surrendered to normality. Single needle (like a homemade) tattoo is really smart, brings wet to the eye. How do you people with tattoos do it? I was, am, planning to have a tattoo at 45 (for many reasons) but I am questioning my ability to handle it (the pain factor). Any advise? from all the tattoo owners.
Now for the bad news, I will be visiting the cancer clinic for 33 sessions so it looks like I will be crossing back and forth over the Pattullo Bridge for almost seven straight weeks ending at the end of September or early October (depending on the start time). Now that is scary! especially since TansLink is proposing not to repave/repair the bridge until 2009. People drive it everyday back and forth - so I guess I can do this too. Did you all catch that faint hint of Courtney sarcasm?
I am still waiting for my radiation schedule and will hopefully find out by this week's end. Until then - always winkin' at ya! ;o)
During my 'simulation' to radiation a power outage happened. Luckily we were only watching the outdated video and not in the middle of scanning or tattooing. The video was a cartoon animation and was created in the 70s, so we really didn't miss much. The nurses figured out that we could skip the rest of the video because we were probably already (up-to-date) informed of the procedures. The nurses were right. Grant and I waited about an hour and a half before the power came back on and after the big impressive machines were back up and ready, we could continue with the rest of radiation prep.
I didn't need a 'cast' to anchor my position in the radiation zapper. I did have to lay on a special 'blowie uppie pillow' in a perfectly still manner, with my arms above my head, trying really hard not to giggle for about 45 minutes. Yes, giggle - I couldn't help it and all females will love this! I was laughing because I only have one breast that smacks the table at my side when I lay on my back. Even the only male nurse in the room couldn't hold back a laugh when I was explaining my(giggling)self. During the forty minutes, I was moved, rotated, magic markered, stickered, lazered, inserted in and out of a really big sci-fi machine (a CAT scan machine), and ending with having three blue molelike-looking tattoos. Just so you know - that if by unfortunate chance one experiencing the surgeon saying, 'you will not have the sensitivity in your breast that you used to have after surgery' - call BULLSHIT. In my case, of course I don't have nipple sensation because I have no nipple - DUH! but decrease in breast sensitivity - I call BULLSHIT. However at the side, under my arm, I didn't feel it at all. Does this surprise me? - I have never surrendered to normality. Single needle (like a homemade) tattoo is really smart, brings wet to the eye. How do you people with tattoos do it? I was, am, planning to have a tattoo at 45 (for many reasons) but I am questioning my ability to handle it (the pain factor). Any advise? from all the tattoo owners.
Now for the bad news, I will be visiting the cancer clinic for 33 sessions so it looks like I will be crossing back and forth over the Pattullo Bridge for almost seven straight weeks ending at the end of September or early October (depending on the start time). Now that is scary! especially since TansLink is proposing not to repave/repair the bridge until 2009. People drive it everyday back and forth - so I guess I can do this too. Did you all catch that faint hint of Courtney sarcasm?
I am still waiting for my radiation schedule and will hopefully find out by this week's end. Until then - always winkin' at ya! ;o)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Part Deux!
The last few weeks I have been recovering from my last Chemo treatment (look at me tooting my own horn) at times, having feelings of ambition, frustration, relief, apprehension, shear tiredness and jubilation. Confused - I am. I have to confess that writing about this journey has not been my strong forte. I haven't had a strong forte since I started this journey. When I feel down - I just think of all of my people (that's you), wash any silly notions out of my mind and relax, very content with a large smile on my face. Battling cancer and its treatments takes a lot out of a person so I keep telling myself that soon I will be back to my self - emphasis on soon I hope.
Stage 2: Radiation
To recap - I have to have six weeks, five days a week, of radiation. The major side affect should be tiredness and quite frankly, I have that down pat. So to all who have offered to drive - it sounds like I can drive myself - this treatment isn't a debilitating as Chemo. I will know more on Thursday, tomorrow, when I go to the cancer clinic for my video, meeting with the Radiologist, possibly get tattooed and have a cast made, and hopefully get my radiation schedule.
I can see the blinking exit light at the end of the long cold sterile dark hallway entombed in the cancer dimension.
Stage 2: Radiation
To recap - I have to have six weeks, five days a week, of radiation. The major side affect should be tiredness and quite frankly, I have that down pat. So to all who have offered to drive - it sounds like I can drive myself - this treatment isn't a debilitating as Chemo. I will know more on Thursday, tomorrow, when I go to the cancer clinic for my video, meeting with the Radiologist, possibly get tattooed and have a cast made, and hopefully get my radiation schedule.
I can see the blinking exit light at the end of the long cold sterile dark hallway entombed in the cancer dimension.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
FINISHED CHEMO!
Celebrate goods times - come on - it's time to ce-le-bration.
No party yet but that will follow. Yes - my last Chemo was yesterday and I am excited! No more direct poisoning my body. so I feel lousy for the next two weeks. My radiation starts in about three weeks, but what I hear it isn't as harsh as Chemo. And for all you folks who want to help drive - when I get my schedule I will contact you. It sounds like, from what the doc said, I could drive myself. My major side effect would be tiredness. What's that? Isn't that a normal state of being during our middle years? Tiredness - I laugh HA HA.
No party yet but that will follow. Yes - my last Chemo was yesterday and I am excited! No more direct poisoning my body. so I feel lousy for the next two weeks. My radiation starts in about three weeks, but what I hear it isn't as harsh as Chemo. And for all you folks who want to help drive - when I get my schedule I will contact you. It sounds like, from what the doc said, I could drive myself. My major side effect would be tiredness. What's that? Isn't that a normal state of being during our middle years? Tiredness - I laugh HA HA.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Scary Picture Gone Now
Mohawk girl gone away for now.
Today is a good day! Water the front garden this morning, went for a walk by the river, having a Carolanns in my tea - Life couldn't be finer - well it could. We lost our cousin, Ken Horwood, yesterday. Our thoughts and prayers go to Sylvia and Kaitlyn. We love you!
Today is a good day! Water the front garden this morning, went for a walk by the river, having a Carolanns in my tea - Life couldn't be finer - well it could. We lost our cousin, Ken Horwood, yesterday. Our thoughts and prayers go to Sylvia and Kaitlyn. We love you!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Rollercoaster rides for the summer!
APB APB!
I went into the hospital last night and 3 hours later I came out. This is excellent because I didn't have to stay however, it doesn't explain my 102.5 fever. I am watching myself very closely at home in comfort with my family and friends. A much better place to be. My neutrophils (white blood cells) were 2.8 - that's good and healthy. No infections could be detected so once again I have thrown a wrench into the unknown. I feel okay. I am really spaced out because of the pain pills I am on and the thrush is back AND IT IS REALLY GROSS. It's a yeast infection (no - this isn't the kind of infection that causes a fever) starts with your tongue looking like a cotton ball and it continues down your throat, giving you a very full, heartburn like feeling. Fun - NOT.
I feel strong and if anyone is concerned about visiting don't be - I can't go out and about that much (only on a need basis) but that doesn't mean people can't come to visit. Now Grant has a bit different attitude, he is concerned that bad meany germs will invade and that could be true. I have all the fun antibacterial gels, masks, gloves.......for anyone who wishes to indulge and is concerned about visiting.
So back to the title - it looks like I might be in and out of the hospital due to the fever thing so don't worry I am only on a rollercoaster ride - up and down with my fever. And you should know that having a fever in my condition is a really great sign of health. Unhealthy people can't produce a fever when needed to fight infections or bugs - so with my fever capability I AM IRON WOMAN.
I went into the hospital last night and 3 hours later I came out. This is excellent because I didn't have to stay however, it doesn't explain my 102.5 fever. I am watching myself very closely at home in comfort with my family and friends. A much better place to be. My neutrophils (white blood cells) were 2.8 - that's good and healthy. No infections could be detected so once again I have thrown a wrench into the unknown. I feel okay. I am really spaced out because of the pain pills I am on and the thrush is back AND IT IS REALLY GROSS. It's a yeast infection (no - this isn't the kind of infection that causes a fever) starts with your tongue looking like a cotton ball and it continues down your throat, giving you a very full, heartburn like feeling. Fun - NOT.
I feel strong and if anyone is concerned about visiting don't be - I can't go out and about that much (only on a need basis) but that doesn't mean people can't come to visit. Now Grant has a bit different attitude, he is concerned that bad meany germs will invade and that could be true. I have all the fun antibacterial gels, masks, gloves.......for anyone who wishes to indulge and is concerned about visiting.
So back to the title - it looks like I might be in and out of the hospital due to the fever thing so don't worry I am only on a rollercoaster ride - up and down with my fever. And you should know that having a fever in my condition is a really great sign of health. Unhealthy people can't produce a fever when needed to fight infections or bugs - so with my fever capability I AM IRON WOMAN.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Waiting for the last one!
Well, I have only one more Chemotherapy treatment to go - July 16th. Yesterday's Chemo went well, basically pain free (except for the multiple needles to find a decent vein). My drug dose was dropped to a 75% level. My previous side effects of severe leg and nerve pain, yeast infections (thrush) open mouth sores and virtually no white blood cells (neupenia). I have be given Gabalentin to help me through this next round - it should keep the nerve pain down but I don't care I have a huge jar of Oxycodone (an amazing pain killer). So all in all it should be easier to handle. I am going to hide away for a few weeks just to be careful not to end up back into the hospital but the I could up there anyways - possible but not deterring.
I just met with my potential house cleaner. This is exciting and scary at the same time. Any hints on maid handling - anyone?
It is crazy but as I write this I can feel the pain creep into my calves and feet and the heart burn is ever present today. It is a total drag because the medicines I need to take can't be mixed with Calcium, magnesium etc etc products that are in heartburn medications. Pill juggling is quite trying at times. I purchased a new phone "Jack" Samsung's version of the Blackberry, and I am able to setup reminders that help very much. Once I get back to work I will use my Jack to it's fuller potential. But I am not thinking of work - I know it will be there when I am done this journey.
I just met with my potential house cleaner. This is exciting and scary at the same time. Any hints on maid handling - anyone?
It is crazy but as I write this I can feel the pain creep into my calves and feet and the heart burn is ever present today. It is a total drag because the medicines I need to take can't be mixed with Calcium, magnesium etc etc products that are in heartburn medications. Pill juggling is quite trying at times. I purchased a new phone "Jack" Samsung's version of the Blackberry, and I am able to setup reminders that help very much. Once I get back to work I will use my Jack to it's fuller potential. But I am not thinking of work - I know it will be there when I am done this journey.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Round 5
Well in two more days it will be round 5. I am prepared - got my pain killers, antibiotics, masks, and gloves. My veins on the other hand will need a little more coaxing to cooperate. Like my white blood cells they have seemed to vacate. Technically my veins haven't ( or have they, being from alien stock who knows what lurks inside my flesh) left my system but they are hiding and are much harder to find. Do you blame them, on average for every 21 days I have had 4 to 5 needles depending on the talent of the blood takers and Chemo givers. Currently, the needle staff at RCH have a higher average of getting it right with the first take than the SMH staff. I keep telling myself it is only a pin prick and things could be way worse.
And now for the sad conclusion because of my potentially low white blood cell counts on this kind of Chemo I am putting myself into quarantine for two weeks. This will hopefully help my system recover. I tried to get out and do too much last time, so this time I will play it safer. I don't really want to go back to the hospital for a week. The staff was pleasant and made my stay very comfortable but I rather be home.
And now for the sad conclusion because of my potentially low white blood cell counts on this kind of Chemo I am putting myself into quarantine for two weeks. This will hopefully help my system recover. I tried to get out and do too much last time, so this time I will play it safer. I don't really want to go back to the hospital for a week. The staff was pleasant and made my stay very comfortable but I rather be home.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Even White Blood Cells like to vacation
Hey everybody - didn't mean to worry or freak anyone out being in the hospital for 6 days. My white blood cells decided to vacate my premises and left my immune system functioning with no protection. Funny thing is that I didn't even feel sick. My sister (bless her heart) was over helping with things while I was getting my body pain managed when see noticed I was a bit flushed. Well, the result of my temperature readings was DANGER - go straight to the EMERGENCY. So being a good girl, I went to the hospital - oh this was last Thursday night. RCH emergency wasn't that busy and after pumping me up with lots of good IV antibiotics I was sent home at 3:00 AM.
You see for three days my bod had been feeling like it was being put into a rock crusher starting at my feet. The pain was unbelievable. This kind of pain is a side effect and of course, it will affect people differently. Plus the pain didn't start right away like the nausea did with the first three Chemo doses. Being a little slow, I was virtually pain free until Sunday night after Grant took off to New York City for work, the agony snafued me with a vengeance. A clearer analogy would be a lower body 'charlie horse'. I am talking brutal pain. I was taking up to 5 baths with Epsom salts a day and night just trying to relax. During the day Thursday I saw my GP and he had just the right stuff to take the pain away - Oxycodone aka 'Hillbilly Heroine' What a wonderful drug. It doesn't make me loopy like the other kinds and even though the pain is still kind of there - I just don't care. Everything is just fine and I am sooo relaxed.
Everything seemed to be going just swell on Friday. Woke up, got dressed, went to the bathroom, ate, drank lots of water, the usual stuff. Grant was flying home late tonight. I was in no pain. My sister was spoiling me etc etc etc - just another day. When 20:00 hours rolled I thought, 'I wonder what my temperature is?' My sister had gone for a 30 minute nap at 5:30 and I didn't want to wake her because she needed her sleep - I kept her until the wee hours of the morn last night..... Sure enough I had another fever but it was not as high so no rush to the emerge was necessary. I waited an hour and called the Oncologist on Call and hearing my story he told me to pack my favorite snacks because I needed to head back to the hospital for a few days. He would call ahead to the Emergency department to prepare them for my return.
Talk about deja vu, the staff was entirely the same and we all had a good laugh and joked about it. Thus there I have been since Friday night.
It wasn't that bad - I had a private room, everyone treated me well. I even had a bathtub in my ensuite. Quite peaceful and someone was always asking if they could get me anything. I was restricted to my room due to the 'Reverse isolation' situation I had to recover in. My veins were a problem. Three different IV's were needed to pump me up with antibiotics. Blood work everyday which had to be taken from my feet due to the lack of left arm use and that my right arm had an IV in it. Oh what fun you say. Actually, it hurt less than from my arm believe it or not.
Today I am happy to be home. I have one week before I get hit again with Chemo so I am restricting myself from gallivanting around so I will be strong like Ox.
You see for three days my bod had been feeling like it was being put into a rock crusher starting at my feet. The pain was unbelievable. This kind of pain is a side effect and of course, it will affect people differently. Plus the pain didn't start right away like the nausea did with the first three Chemo doses. Being a little slow, I was virtually pain free until Sunday night after Grant took off to New York City for work, the agony snafued me with a vengeance. A clearer analogy would be a lower body 'charlie horse'. I am talking brutal pain. I was taking up to 5 baths with Epsom salts a day and night just trying to relax. During the day Thursday I saw my GP and he had just the right stuff to take the pain away - Oxycodone aka 'Hillbilly Heroine' What a wonderful drug. It doesn't make me loopy like the other kinds and even though the pain is still kind of there - I just don't care. Everything is just fine and I am sooo relaxed.
Everything seemed to be going just swell on Friday. Woke up, got dressed, went to the bathroom, ate, drank lots of water, the usual stuff. Grant was flying home late tonight. I was in no pain. My sister was spoiling me etc etc etc - just another day. When 20:00 hours rolled I thought, 'I wonder what my temperature is?' My sister had gone for a 30 minute nap at 5:30 and I didn't want to wake her because she needed her sleep - I kept her until the wee hours of the morn last night..... Sure enough I had another fever but it was not as high so no rush to the emerge was necessary. I waited an hour and called the Oncologist on Call and hearing my story he told me to pack my favorite snacks because I needed to head back to the hospital for a few days. He would call ahead to the Emergency department to prepare them for my return.
Talk about deja vu, the staff was entirely the same and we all had a good laugh and joked about it. Thus there I have been since Friday night.
It wasn't that bad - I had a private room, everyone treated me well. I even had a bathtub in my ensuite. Quite peaceful and someone was always asking if they could get me anything. I was restricted to my room due to the 'Reverse isolation' situation I had to recover in. My veins were a problem. Three different IV's were needed to pump me up with antibiotics. Blood work everyday which had to be taken from my feet due to the lack of left arm use and that my right arm had an IV in it. Oh what fun you say. Actually, it hurt less than from my arm believe it or not.
Today I am happy to be home. I have one week before I get hit again with Chemo so I am restricting myself from gallivanting around so I will be strong like Ox.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Half way through Chemo! yippee or is it?
yes one would think that I would be feeling better that I have only 9 weeks of chemo left - 9 weeks have past. Actually I don't feel great I feel sad, 'out of sorts' and I just want it over. And then I think of all the other individuals, including children, going through what I am doing and I find strength to continue the fight. Oh, don't getting me wrong I have plenty of fight in me - I am just tired of having to keep doing it every moment.
The above paragraph I started 2.5 weeks and couldn't continue, mainly to not feeling like it.
The above paragraph I started 2.5 weeks and couldn't continue, mainly to not feeling like it.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
It's getting harder each time
It's been awhile but I am recovering, slowly but surely.
Nothing and no one is tougher than constipation - I put my money on it. It is the hardest thing to get over. All the aids that supposedly help barely do it because they have other side effects. And luckily constipation is temporary side effect and I am truly thankful for that - truly.
The effect of my chemo drug FEC (Fluorouracil, Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide) has been hard on my veins. I can't have needles of any kind on my left arm due to my lymph node surgery so all needles have to be on my right arm and it really hurts. I called the chemo nurse today and she said it is a side effect and nothing we can do about it. FEC is generally hard on the veins and is my next chemo drug - Docetaxel. This drug also can affect my nerve endings as well as my veins. Oh joy! Don't fret - I will concur and survive but this whole thing sucks.
It looks like my hair is not returning as fast like in the past. I have very small and sporatic stubble on my scalp and my eyebrows are thinning. I have signed up for the 'Look Good Feel Better' seminar in June. Hopefully it will help with the way I feel about myself. It is hard to stay up - a constant repeat of positive affirmations. Everyone join in - "it SUCKS!"
I had a long walk today and I feel better. I just want to jump into exercise, eating right, and be more involved and active but I can't for now and this position of being is extremely hard. Everything is on hold and it Sucks! Talking about sucking - I have an urge to make smoothie popsicles to SUCK on. ;o)
Nothing and no one is tougher than constipation - I put my money on it. It is the hardest thing to get over. All the aids that supposedly help barely do it because they have other side effects. And luckily constipation is temporary side effect and I am truly thankful for that - truly.
The effect of my chemo drug FEC (Fluorouracil, Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide) has been hard on my veins. I can't have needles of any kind on my left arm due to my lymph node surgery so all needles have to be on my right arm and it really hurts. I called the chemo nurse today and she said it is a side effect and nothing we can do about it. FEC is generally hard on the veins and is my next chemo drug - Docetaxel. This drug also can affect my nerve endings as well as my veins. Oh joy! Don't fret - I will concur and survive but this whole thing sucks.
It looks like my hair is not returning as fast like in the past. I have very small and sporatic stubble on my scalp and my eyebrows are thinning. I have signed up for the 'Look Good Feel Better' seminar in June. Hopefully it will help with the way I feel about myself. It is hard to stay up - a constant repeat of positive affirmations. Everyone join in - "it SUCKS!"
I had a long walk today and I feel better. I just want to jump into exercise, eating right, and be more involved and active but I can't for now and this position of being is extremely hard. Everything is on hold and it Sucks! Talking about sucking - I have an urge to make smoothie popsicles to SUCK on. ;o)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Just call me radioactive Baby!
Well this sucks -I am not getting four weeks of radiation I am getting six weeks -yipee lucky me - NOT!
It has to do with my larger sized breasts (so tell all the girls - bigger isn't always better!) I am being radiated the same dose but over a longer period of time to help prevent permanent tissue damage. So I'm guessing this is better than not. And it looks like the radiation is limited to the left breast and up to the collar bone and neck but not under my arm. If they have to radiate under the arm it could affect my arm quite dramatically. Dr. Kwan has to review the pathology report regarding the funny looking nerve bundle to make sure there is no cancer. It was clear on the original report so I am pretty sure that the underarm radiation will not happen - EXCELLENT!
Plus I should be able to drive to my appointments and the biggest side effect will by some tiredness. And being a mother - what's being a little tired - It is a way of life ;o)
It has to do with my larger sized breasts (so tell all the girls - bigger isn't always better!) I am being radiated the same dose but over a longer period of time to help prevent permanent tissue damage. So I'm guessing this is better than not. And it looks like the radiation is limited to the left breast and up to the collar bone and neck but not under my arm. If they have to radiate under the arm it could affect my arm quite dramatically. Dr. Kwan has to review the pathology report regarding the funny looking nerve bundle to make sure there is no cancer. It was clear on the original report so I am pretty sure that the underarm radiation will not happen - EXCELLENT!
Plus I should be able to drive to my appointments and the biggest side effect will by some tiredness. And being a mother - what's being a little tired - It is a way of life ;o)
Friday, May 9, 2008
Meetin' Dr. Radioactive today -
I am off to meet with my radiologist today. I am very apathetic about this appointment. I think all my emotional state has finally catching up with moi and I just can't compute anymore. Or maybe, I am just worn out and I am mindlessly getting through each day. One day at a time attitude is working because I am not feeling overwhelmed. I am however, still pissed off about the entire thing. At least I will be able to investigate the next step - radiation treatment. Yipee - lucky me ;o)
I have been enjoying digging in my garden and rearranging the basement for accommodate guests, exercise equipment, sewing, knitting, and craft tools. Very exciting.
I have been enjoying digging in my garden and rearranging the basement for accommodate guests, exercise equipment, sewing, knitting, and craft tools. Very exciting.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Oh You Delicate Heart
Hawksley Workman -this guy is amazing and I love this song!
Lyrics:
oh you delicate heart
sometimes it feels hard to live
the rain keeps on falling so hard
i forget that i had some to give
oh you delicate heart
remind all the guards on your hill
that a love that comes by might be true
as true as the mountains are still
and i'm sure
the darkness defines where the light is
and takes all our prayers
oh but
your will still be true
oh you delicate heart
there's deep enough wells for our tears
when we break ourselves carelessly
through
a tumbling down of our fears
and for your listening pleasure - see following post.
Lyrics:
oh you delicate heart
sometimes it feels hard to live
the rain keeps on falling so hard
i forget that i had some to give
oh you delicate heart
remind all the guards on your hill
that a love that comes by might be true
as true as the mountains are still
and i'm sure
the darkness defines where the light is
and takes all our prayers
oh but
your will still be true
oh you delicate heart
there's deep enough wells for our tears
when we break ourselves carelessly
through
a tumbling down of our fears
and for your listening pleasure - see following post.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I'm back! - again
Well what a ride this time - but I am back and hiking up the valley I fell into last week. Part of the time was waking up at night placing my scalp back into place. How do you guys, who shave your heads, sleep at night? Maybe you shave everyday - yuk. Plus I have a patch work of stubble so I fall asleep without the stick effect only to wake up to - ouch, ouch ouchouchouch OUCH! The stubble acts like velcro and my head sticks to the pillow and as I slump my body moves but the skin don't -
It is like night and day when I feel better.
My left foot and knee buckled today. It's like they collapsed - only hurting for a brief moment - how strange. I definitely have to mention this one to my doctor. And Robyn - I have no idea idea what you mean - it's driving me crazy :o)
It is like night and day when I feel better.
My left foot and knee buckled today. It's like they collapsed - only hurting for a brief moment - how strange. I definitely have to mention this one to my doctor. And Robyn - I have no idea idea what you mean - it's driving me crazy :o)
Monday, April 28, 2008
April 28th, 2008
This second session has been much harder than the first. I don't know why - one would think it would be almost easier because one would know what to expect. I am sleeping more and have less eagerness to eat and nothing tastes like it should. I am not motivated to doing anything. I don't even want to walk the dog and that is tragic. Maybe the gloomy skies make it harder - yes thats it - the gloomy skies.
Friday, April 25, 2008
YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY
Nothing is sacred so it goes. My nausea feeling is not as bad but my body functions are not controllable. This is really crappy -literally. I am trying different methods and anti-nausea pills along with a natural laxative to counteract the constipation and I haven't quite got it right. I am getting a much firmer butt with the clinch and dash routine. I got to make the most of it. My energy level is low as expected and I know it will be returning soon.
It took me an hour to try and post a photo today - I am exhausted.
It took me an hour to try and post a photo today - I am exhausted.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Chemo #2
Once again I am met with happy smiley people at the cancer clinic. Boy oh boy they make it easier. I picked up a new prescription for Ativan to help me sleep this round and hopefully it will work. I have been home for 4 hours and the crappy feeling is starting to take over. I am taking all my drugs (anti-nausea drugs) regardless - Sandy the nurse said take them regardless because it might be too late to start if the nausea feeling overwhelms. I take them for only 3 to 4 days - so it ain't so bad.
The good news is that my oncologist was really impressed with my blood work. YIPEE! She said keep up what I am doing because it is good. So many thanks to Dr. Jill Scott, my naturophathic doctor. Without her help, her tinctures, and her sound nutrition recommendations, my rebound status may not have been so impressive. THANKS JILL!
As we age and/or go through changes in our lives I recommend seeing someone (Dr. Scott, of course) for preventative care. I don't like feeling the aches of activities as I get older - I want to do things longer and feel better or as best I can.
No one has to get cancer to take better care of themselves. Oh this sounds lecture-like - I apologize.
I saved my head again. My hair continued to grow and was about an half an inch long and it was sooo blotchy because some hair started to fall out - I looked like an unfortunate street dweller. My feet hurt too and my oncologist said that is a side effect. I have to wear comfortable running type shoes all the time now or my feet will hurt even more. It is bearable and of course these things are all temporary. When my treatments are over my side effects will dissipate.
The good news is that my oncologist was really impressed with my blood work. YIPEE! She said keep up what I am doing because it is good. So many thanks to Dr. Jill Scott, my naturophathic doctor. Without her help, her tinctures, and her sound nutrition recommendations, my rebound status may not have been so impressive. THANKS JILL!
As we age and/or go through changes in our lives I recommend seeing someone (Dr. Scott, of course) for preventative care. I don't like feeling the aches of activities as I get older - I want to do things longer and feel better or as best I can.
No one has to get cancer to take better care of themselves. Oh this sounds lecture-like - I apologize.
I saved my head again. My hair continued to grow and was about an half an inch long and it was sooo blotchy because some hair started to fall out - I looked like an unfortunate street dweller. My feet hurt too and my oncologist said that is a side effect. I have to wear comfortable running type shoes all the time now or my feet will hurt even more. It is bearable and of course these things are all temporary. When my treatments are over my side effects will dissipate.
Friday, April 18, 2008
It is happening and it's about time
Well the hair (on my head) is finally starting to go. Yes - it is strange that I am relieved it has started. I think it tells me that this entire situation is moving along and getting closer to the end. I am quietly excited to see what colour and shape my hair will be when it returns. I am wanting curly white hair - yes, you heard me but what the heck - let's skip the salty gray-look and go straight to white. Knowing my luck it will come out jet black and bone straight. It doesn't really matter - I have never been that concerned about my hair. Only that it has to be easy to care for and of course, look absolutely fabulous - like always! ;o)
My 2nd Chemo treatment is next week (April 23rd). My first visit was rather interesting once it started. I was quite anxious prior to the first session but soon after I arrived it really wasn't that hard. My treatment included manual injection, one of the three drugs was administered by hand, from a syringe into my IV. If it is not properly done, my veins could dissolve, only if the drug doesn't travel fast enough into my body along with the saline solution. Very exciting. :o) I get 30-40 minutes of close personal attention so I can ask lots of questions and feel really at ease. I am very impressed with the Fraser Valley Cancer Clinic at Surrey Memorial Hospital. It 's like walking right into a family room with puzzles, knitting, crossword puzzles, smiling faces, drinks and snacks.
I have to chuckle thinking about my first visit, I was sitting across the room from a male convict getting his Chemo treatment. He was foot-shackled as well as cuffed to his chair, wearing a jumpsuit in an alarming shade of bright orange, all the while escorted by two male guards. Even though he didn't have a 'potty mouth' his conversations were Hitchcock freaky - constantly searching trying o push the limits with the guards and nurses. Very odd and strange when I reminisce , but it makes my chuckle (is this currently how I deal with uncomfortable situations?) - hey even convicts get cancer and need treatment. The nurses were awesome and didn't bite into any of his comments. Who doesn't like listening to fast, dry wit? Well all joking aside I hope I don't see him again - it was definitely weird.
My 2nd Chemo treatment is next week (April 23rd). My first visit was rather interesting once it started. I was quite anxious prior to the first session but soon after I arrived it really wasn't that hard. My treatment included manual injection, one of the three drugs was administered by hand, from a syringe into my IV. If it is not properly done, my veins could dissolve, only if the drug doesn't travel fast enough into my body along with the saline solution. Very exciting. :o) I get 30-40 minutes of close personal attention so I can ask lots of questions and feel really at ease. I am very impressed with the Fraser Valley Cancer Clinic at Surrey Memorial Hospital. It 's like walking right into a family room with puzzles, knitting, crossword puzzles, smiling faces, drinks and snacks.
I have to chuckle thinking about my first visit, I was sitting across the room from a male convict getting his Chemo treatment. He was foot-shackled as well as cuffed to his chair, wearing a jumpsuit in an alarming shade of bright orange, all the while escorted by two male guards. Even though he didn't have a 'potty mouth' his conversations were Hitchcock freaky - constantly searching trying o push the limits with the guards and nurses. Very odd and strange when I reminisce , but it makes my chuckle (is this currently how I deal with uncomfortable situations?) - hey even convicts get cancer and need treatment. The nurses were awesome and didn't bite into any of his comments. Who doesn't like listening to fast, dry wit? Well all joking aside I hope I don't see him again - it was definitely weird.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Personality Test?!?!
My personality profile at this point in time of my life - its fun and easy - TRY IT yourself and see how accurate it is for you -
Free Jung Word Choice Test (similar to MBTI)
personality tests by similarminds.com
| ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
ESTJ
| organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose |
favored careers:
| executive, ceo, supervisor, business consultant, manager, strategist, financial planner, business person, office manager, public relations manager, international business specialist, business analyst, management consultant, operations manager, loan officer, lawyer, marketing, sports management, government employee, investment banker |
disfavored careers:
Monday, April 14, 2008
What a week!
I am near the end of my 2nd week after chemo and doin' just fine. Currently I am on my 3rd good day in a row. This weekend was spectacularly sunshiny and I took full advantage. Gardening results are slow but I know I have been amongst the dirt. I promised Grant a new BBQ but he had to power wash the deck. Typically, the guy needs a nudge but when he is in it - he is really into it! Wow, the back deck is cleaned, so he decided to work on the front. Being north facing the algae is really metaphoric and loves to leave a black chalky-type consistency over the blue aluminum. He had just about finished the roof above the front door when CRASH - Grant fell. He is okay, bruised but okay and I can't say that about the ladder. Due to the water on the deck and the way Grant was reaching, the ladder slid underneath him, luckily he was only about 5 feet up or it could have been really ugggly! This really scarred the crap out of me and I found out that, even though mental-pause has made my voice deep and sultry-like, I can scream like a girl. Sorry Vince - we owe you a new ladder. So does anyone know where we can borrow a cherry-picker style lift?
Four days earlier, I was waiting with other parents, for our children to be released from the lockdown at NWSS on Thursday, April 10th, at Century House. SWAT teams, helicopters, loads of police - I felt like we were in the movies. Sev's class was let out at 17:30. She had been locked in her class room since 13:30 - 4 hours is a long time. Luckily nothing went bad. Good to see that the practice has paid off. Thank you Ms. Brown - Sev was really impressed with you and you all the students feel safe. I am really relieved that spending the money on a cellphone with texting capability is worth it. I was in communication with Sev and was able to get messages to other parents for her friends. If you parents are waffling about the cost - peace o' mind is priceless. At first the kids were afraid but by the time they were led safely from school, escorted by SWAT, they were exhausted and fine.
I am afraid of the poor mark I will get from the nurses at FVCC. You see, I am supposed to keep STRESS out of my life. I think I failed this session but I have a few more sessions to redeem myself. Isn't life exciting?!
I am doing things for myself - Sunday morning I made it out to my ol' soccer team game against the Kuna. What a team - eventhough the slaughter was a mild 6-0, the Stingers never gave up. That's the team I remember! I am missing the girls and the sport so I now "I will be back!"
As for me, well things are starting -
My 'mouth sores' are developing - ever so slightly. I am rinsing with soda bicarbonate and warm water and that seems to keep it in check.
Hair is starting to fall out but not from my head. Figures I would have to do it differently. It was described as my body hair would break away starting at the top - the head - and break away in descending fashion. Things that make you go 'hmmmmm' or throw up - one or the other - details, details, details. It makes me laugh as I think of the 'rebel without a cause' that lives inside myself.
I definitely can feel my energy regaining and my desire to do things - this is all good.
Four days earlier, I was waiting with other parents, for our children to be released from the lockdown at NWSS on Thursday, April 10th, at Century House. SWAT teams, helicopters, loads of police - I felt like we were in the movies. Sev's class was let out at 17:30. She had been locked in her class room since 13:30 - 4 hours is a long time. Luckily nothing went bad. Good to see that the practice has paid off. Thank you Ms. Brown - Sev was really impressed with you and you all the students feel safe. I am really relieved that spending the money on a cellphone with texting capability is worth it. I was in communication with Sev and was able to get messages to other parents for her friends. If you parents are waffling about the cost - peace o' mind is priceless. At first the kids were afraid but by the time they were led safely from school, escorted by SWAT, they were exhausted and fine.
I am afraid of the poor mark I will get from the nurses at FVCC. You see, I am supposed to keep STRESS out of my life. I think I failed this session but I have a few more sessions to redeem myself. Isn't life exciting?!
I am doing things for myself - Sunday morning I made it out to my ol' soccer team game against the Kuna. What a team - eventhough the slaughter was a mild 6-0, the Stingers never gave up. That's the team I remember! I am missing the girls and the sport so I now "I will be back!"
As for me, well things are starting -
My 'mouth sores' are developing - ever so slightly. I am rinsing with soda bicarbonate and warm water and that seems to keep it in check.
Hair is starting to fall out but not from my head. Figures I would have to do it differently. It was described as my body hair would break away starting at the top - the head - and break away in descending fashion. Things that make you go 'hmmmmm' or throw up - one or the other - details, details, details. It makes me laugh as I think of the 'rebel without a cause' that lives inside myself.
I definitely can feel my energy regaining and my desire to do things - this is all good.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A brighter day -
So day 7 and I am doing okay. I don't know what to expect and I think this has some effect on the way I feel. I found a great forum site "Breast Cancer Now What?" I add and read information from others (young others - anyone 45 years and younger) who are going through cancer. I love the idea that I am considered a young woman - okay so I am at the top end but hey - I will take what ever I can get!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Cancer SUCKS!
My good neighbour and friend Craig said it yesterday - "Cancer SUCKS!" I couldn't agree more. I am day 5 after my 1st treatment and I still don't know if I feel better. I did however, last night only woke up about 3 or 4 times and was able to fall back to sleep. I believe this is an improvement. I am still restless but not like the 2nd, 3rd and 4th nights. I feel like it is a gradual life-force sucking remover - it is hard to describe.
Distraction is a good friend but does catch up with me. I do get tired after accomplishing something. I guess that is good and what the doc wants - try and do want you want and can and listen to your body if it is too much. So in other words, act normal and take responsibility when necessary - you can always milk it if you over do it. ;o)My saving grace has been dog walking and my Mata has been willing and able to trek further than I. Thanks to Vince, Marion and Marley my current chaperones.
Look at me go - cyber girl!
Well I have to hand it to my kid - she is right - yes you heard me. I have changed my blog location to this site because it is much better and easier to use. Severn you are correct. I need to listen to you more.
Thank you all for following my adventure. I feel the strength and most of all the LOVE!
Thank you all for following my adventure. I feel the strength and most of all the LOVE!
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