It's getting harder each time

It's been awhile but I am recovering, slowly but surely.

Nothing and no one is tougher than constipation - I put my money on it. It is the hardest thing to get over. All the aids that supposedly help barely do it because they have other side effects. And luckily constipation is temporary side effect and I am truly thankful for that - truly.

The effect of my chemo drug FEC (Fluorouracil, Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide) has been hard on my veins. I can't have needles of any kind on my left arm due to my lymph node surgery so all needles have to be on my right arm and it really hurts. I called the chemo nurse today and she said it is a side effect and nothing we can do about it. FEC is generally hard on the veins and is my next chemo drug - Docetaxel. This drug also can affect my nerve endings as well as my veins. Oh joy! Don't fret - I will concur and survive but this whole thing sucks.

It looks like my hair is not returning as fast like in the past. I have very small and sporatic stubble on my scalp and my eyebrows are thinning. I have signed up for the 'Look Good Feel Better' seminar in June. Hopefully it will help with the way I feel about myself. It is hard to stay up - a constant repeat of positive affirmations. Everyone join in - "it SUCKS!"

I had a long walk today and I feel better. I just want to jump into exercise, eating right, and be more involved and active but I can't for now and this position of being is extremely hard. Everything is on hold and it Sucks! Talking about sucking - I have an urge to make smoothie popsicles to SUCK on. ;o)

Just call me radioactive Baby!

Well this sucks -I am not getting four weeks of radiation I am getting six weeks -yipee lucky me - NOT!

It has to do with my larger sized breasts (so tell all the girls - bigger isn't always better!) I am being radiated the same dose but over a longer period of time to help prevent permanent tissue damage. So I'm guessing this is better than not. And it looks like the radiation is limited to the left breast and up to the collar bone and neck but not under my arm. If they have to radiate under the arm it could affect my arm quite dramatically. Dr. Kwan has to review the pathology report regarding the funny looking nerve bundle to make sure there is no cancer. It was clear on the original report so I am pretty sure that the underarm radiation will not happen - EXCELLENT!

Plus I should be able to drive to my appointments and the biggest side effect will by some tiredness. And being a mother - what's being a little tired - It is a way of life ;o)

Meetin' Dr. Radioactive today -

I am off to meet with my radiologist today. I am very apathetic about this appointment. I think all my emotional state has finally catching up with moi and I just can't compute anymore. Or maybe, I am just worn out and I am mindlessly getting through each day. One day at a time attitude is working because I am not feeling overwhelmed. I am however, still pissed off about the entire thing. At least I will be able to investigate the next step - radiation treatment. Yipee - lucky me ;o)

I have been enjoying digging in my garden and rearranging the basement for accommodate guests, exercise equipment, sewing, knitting, and craft tools. Very exciting.

Oh You Delicate Heart

Hawksley Workman -this guy is amazing and I love this song!

Lyrics:

oh you delicate heart
sometimes it feels hard to live
the rain keeps on falling so hard
i forget that i had some to give

oh you delicate heart
remind all the guards on your hill
that a love that comes by might be true
as true as the mountains are still

and i'm sure
the darkness defines where the light is
and takes all our prayers
oh but
your will still be true

oh you delicate heart
there's deep enough wells for our tears
when we break ourselves carelessly
through
a tumbling down of our fears

and for your listening pleasure - see following post.

How I feel - wrapped up in a song!